


this regret i got accustomed to

by AmbrosiaJones



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 02:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbrosiaJones/pseuds/AmbrosiaJones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Later, when she was alone, usually in the bath at night, letting the water rinse away that day’s regrets, she’d wonder what things would be like if he hadn’t missed that train, or if she hadn’t answered her door..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	this regret i got accustomed to

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from Amy Winehouse's "Tears Dry On Their Own", the regretful other woman's anthem and one of my favorite songs of all time.
> 
> Thank you to my fabulously amazing beta scarlettblythe for her encouragement, eye for editing, and determination to break me of my addiction to adjectives.
> 
> This story contains graphic "vanilla" sex scenes and dialogue.

Later, when she was alone, usually in the bath at night, letting the water rinse away that day’s regrets, she’d wonder what things would be like if he hadn’t missed that train, or if she hadn’t answered her door. She’d play that first night over again in her mind, sinking beneath the water gone almost cold. Holding her breath for too long, Mindy would wish, as her lungs strained in her chest, for a do-over. Like “Sliding Doors”, a movie she once adored until she was too thoroughly haunted by 'what ifs' to enjoy it. Maybe if this time she doesn’t come up for air, she’d find herself not in some glittery, Hollywood heaven, but magically transported to that night so she’d have a chance to make the right choice. She hoped that the next time she’d know what it was.

* * *

Mindy almost missed the knocking altogether, so engrossed in the happenings of the latest episode of “Love and Hip-Hop: Atlanta”, wondering if she could ever pull off the elaborate hairstyles worn by Joseline Hernandez. She finally noticed it when the sound on the television was temporarily muted as she zipped past commercials for cheap wine and far less interesting reality shows. She certainly wasn’t expecting anyone; it was Monday, and late, and she’d been decidedly antisocial since Casey.

She sat very still and willed her uninvited guest to leave, hoping the inappropriateness of the hour would cause a sudden change of heart. “Mindy?” The surprise of hearing his voice was the momentum necessary to bring her to her feet and moving towards the door, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Danny? Is that you? What are you doing here?” She held the door open, but he didn’t move, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his eyes tired and sheepishly regarding her own.

“I had two deliveries back to back and I wanted to finish my paper work. I can’t get the train schedule down; I guess I forget that I live in Jersey sometimes.” Danny chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair. He’d let it grow out; it curled and waved about his face, making him look like the “edgy” member of a boy band. Christina must like it long, Mindy thought to herself. She hadn’t seen him wear it that way until his ex came back into the picture.

“Come in, come in. Have you called Christina? If your phone’s dead you can use mine.” Mindy closed the door behind him and walked over to the kitchen. He was probably hungry. She opened her fridge and peered inside, hoping to find something edible to offer him.

“Yeah, yeah. I called her.” Danny paced in front her couch slowly, like an animal deciding if it was safe inside a new found cave.

“So is she going to pick you up from here?”

“Uh, no. No, she has an early shoot tomorrow. I told her I’d figure something out. I- I don’t want to impose. It’s late, I figured you might be up. I should have called. I can get a hotel room-”

“Danny, it’s fine. We’re friends. If you can’t show up at your friend’s doorstep at 12:30 in the morning, where can you?” Mindy smiled. Danny let out a breath and nodded, visibly relaxing at her reassurance. “You hungry? I have. . . salsa that may or may not be expired, and a carton of something that was at one time shrimp lo mein.”

He chuckled and draped his jacket over a high back chair. “Maybe we should order a pizza. It’s on me. A thank-you for letting me crash here.”

* * *

 

“I don’t know how you can watch this stuff." Danny frowned as he chewed on his crust, watching the antics unfold on the television with skeptical amusement.

"Danny, this is a fascinating show. The ex-wives of beloved celebrities thrown together and trying to make it on their paltry million-dollar alimony settlements? How could I not watch?" She winked and nudged him with her elbow.

"You know, I can't remember the last time Christina and I just sat and watched TV together. This is nice, Min." Danny smiled, his tongue sweeping away stray crumbs from his bottom lip.

"Well, I guess that means you should miss your train more often." Mindy nudged him again, only this time, she didn't move back to her spot on the couch. Her shoulder was pressed up against his side, rising faintly with his breaths.

"Things aren't... good, Danny? With you and Christina, I mean." Her question came out in a low whisper. Mindy stared at his mouth as she awaited his reply.

"Things are different. Neutral, maybe? Not bad, but not great. I don't know; being with her's not like being with you."

Mindy turned herself toward him, their noses practically touching now. "But you can't compare the way you feel with a friend with the way you feel with a- a- I don't know, a lover. Right?" She worked her bottom lip between her teeth; her forehead grazed his and she let out a tiny sigh.

"I don't know, Min." Danny ran his thumb across her cheekbone. Mindy shivered at the unexpected contact, but didn't pull away. "I don't know," he repeated in a whisper.

"Danny, what-" He crushed his lips against hers, one hand in her hair, the other planted warm and firm on her waist. Mindy felt her body react with surprise, but she didn't move from his touch. She let out a whimper that would have made her cringe if he had been anyone else and opened her mouth for him.

Soon, Mindy's back was pressed against her couch cushions, her sweatshirt and bra tossed on the floor. Danny hungrily sucked at her nipples, her hands clinging to his hair. She took a breath as a tremor of pleasure passed through her and she gasped out the question he'd earlier stopped with his lips. "Danny. What are we doing?"

He looked up at her, his mouth swollen and pink from his efforts. She couldn't read the look in his eyes and the ambiguity of his expression scared and aroused her. Danny grabbed the arm rest behind Mindy's head and pulled himself up, pressing his nose against hers. "I don't know," he whispered again before licking into her mouth. "I- I'll stop if-"

"No," she gasped, kissing him. "I don't know. No. No. I don't know, but I don't want you to stop."

"Don't stop." They were naked and he was inside her, pushing himself deeper with every thrust. Mindy wrapped one arm around his neck as her free hand grabbed at his ass. "Don't stop," she moaned against his skin, pressing kisses to his temples and cheeks.

After, both of them spent and sweat-covered, he spooned her, tracing figures on her hip, lightly nibbling on her shoulder. She giggled, and he abruptly stilled, pulling his hand away. "I'm being annoying. I'm sorry. This must tickle." Mindy looked at him over her shoulder, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her hip. "Don't stop."

They lay tangled in each another's arms, still naked and exposed. As she drifted off to sleep, it struck her strange that she didn't feel anything. She felt an immense swell of new emotions for Danny she was afraid to name, yes. Her body felt sated and well-worshipped; she’d been afraid that she'd never feel that way again after her broken engagement. What she didn't feel was the guilt she expected after fucking her best friend, another woman's man. Mindy let sleep overtake her, curious and a bit afraid of the feeling she lacked.

She woke up alone, her duvet tucked around her with care. Her heart fell when she saw that Danny had gone. Whatever guilt she lacked must have been absorbed by him through osmosis. Mindy saw the wrinkled receipt with hastily scrawled words out of the corner of her eye and snatched it from where it rested on Danny’s pillow.

"Thank you," it read. "I'm sorry," it continued. "Forgive me. -Danny"

* * *

 

"Danny, I don't know," Mindy sighed, pulling the belt on the hotel bathrobe tightly around her waist. "You don't think she'll be able to tell?"

"Come here." He reached out his hand and pulled her back on the bed. Danny was still recovering from their frantic, needy sex session, the bed sheet covering his lap the only barrier between his naked body and Mindy.

"I need you there. You know I'm no good at parties. And Christina will have a bunch of her artist friends around. Who am I gonna talk to?" He held her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly, his eyes pleading with her to give in.

"I just- I just don't want to get into it with her and I feel like she knows. Going out of her way to invite me to your housewarming party herself? She never even talks to me unless she needs to get to you." Mindy pouted, folding her arms across her chest. She should be relieved that Christina had all but ignored her presence since coming back into the picture, but a part of her wanted the woman to acknowledge her, view her as worthy competition, notice the way Danny looked at her after one whiskey too many.

"She's trying to make an effort. We hardly see each other, so this party, inviting you, is her way of letting me know I do have a place on her list, no matter how far down." He stroked Mindy's damp hair, running his fingers down the ends, and then working back up to massage her scalp. "And besides, once the holidays are over, I'm gonna end it and we won't have to worry about it anymore."

Mindy put her head on his chest and closed her eyes, the sound of Danny's heartbeat lulling her into a state of hazy contentment. "Promise? 'Cause sneaking around is hot and all, but I want to be with you. Really be with you, Danny."

"I want that too, Min. So much and for so long."

Mindy lifted her head and stared at him, unblinking. "Then why did you get back together with her?" She realized that she'd stopped using Christina's name in conversation with Danny, as if uttering it aloud would exact a curse upon them both.

"You know why. You were with Casey, I was lonely. She'd broken my heart! The fact that she wanted me back meant that I wasn't just some kid from nothing that she'd outgrown. And- and you know how I feel about being divorced." Danny ran his thumb across Mindy's lips. She sucked her teeth and turned her head; he was always touching her, especially when the conversation turned serious. It was a distraction that she wondered if he used on purpose.

"I'll go to your stupid party, but I'm not bringing a gift. And there better be meatballs!" She kissed him between the eyes and felt his hand reach under her robe, distracting her from also making a demand about dessert.

* * *

 

The party was shit. There was no point in her trying to put an optimistic spin on things. Christina's friends were as terrible as Danny claimed; snobby, smelly hipsters with ironic tattoos and food restrictions. The gang from the office had already left, worried about being stranded in Jersey, save for Jeremy, but he'd brought a date. Mindy had no interest in being their third wheel, so she stationed herself by the food, having lost count of the number of mini meatballs she'd put away.

She'd hardly had a chance to talk to Danny; Christina was a happy drunk, laughing loudly, red wine sloshing dangerously high up the side of her glass. She was all over Danny, dragging him from person to person, petting his face, kissing him sloppily on the lips. Mindy cut her eyes in their direction, wishing she had the guts to ask her if she liked how she tastes, Danny's thank you gift for coming to the party being his tongue on her pussy once the coast was clear in the office.

Mindy traced her index finger around the lip of her wine glass, trying to create the high pitched tone her dad would entertain her and Rishi with to her mother's chagrin. Her glass stayed silent; she sighed dramatically and speared another meatball with a toothpick.

"I don't know about you, but I still make it a point of eating as much meat as I can when I'm at parties. I like to pretend I'm just being polite, but I'm really just rebelling against my beefless upbringing."

Mindy looked up as the speaker popped a meatball into his mouth. He was tall, with a head full of black curls, and skin as richly brown as her own. He gave her a closed mouth smile as he chewed. Mindy rolled her eyes.

"Well, actually, my family is pretty secular so I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted growing up," she spit with more attitude than was necessary. She didn't want this character to get the wrong idea, even if he did look like the hot Indian guy from "Heroes".

"I'm sorry, I guess I just assumed since you've eaten a surprisingly large amount of them tonight," the stranger said with a chuckle, his eyes shining.

Mindy scoffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Um, watching how much I eat says more about you than it does me and ew, by the way, presumptuous much? I could have been Muslim or Christian or I don't know, Jewish!"

Tall, dark, and handsome was openly laughing, flashing a megawatt smile and shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Let's start over; I never even caught your name," he said, his hand outstretched.

"That's because I didn't throw it," Mindy sneered, turning on her heel and stomping away. She wanted to find Jeremy and leave this stupid party in this stupid state where stupid guys said stupid things. Hopefully, Danny could get away later and spend the night with her. She could always page him so it looked he had a baby to deliver. Mindy entered the living room, still unable to locate Jeremy in the crowd, when the sound of metal tapping against glass caught her attention.

"Attention, attention everybody!" Christina, wobbling on her towering heels, tapped a spoon against her half-full wineglass. She grinned, her teeth stained purple, mascara smudged on her cheek. "I have somethin' I wanna say!"

Mindy felt a hand on her lower back and turned to find Danny at her side. "Hey, I'm sorry. Apparently every artist from Brooklyn is here tonight and I had to meet them all." Danny grinned at her and Mindy had to stop herself from caressing his cheek. He looked tired. Maybe they'd just snuggle tonight.

"Danny! Shh! I have somethin' very important to say. Come up here and stand with me! Mindy, you can have ‘im back when I'm done," slurred Christina with a wink. Mindy swallowed hard, nodding furiously, hoping the look on her face was a smile.

"Danny, my sweet little man. Everybody, he is the sweetest, most patient man in the whole world. Like, god, just so cute." Christina ran her hand down the side of his face as the crowd chuckled softly. Danny looked like he wanted to escape.

"When we first got back together, you asked me if I could see us being married again. And I didn't give you an answer. I was scared, boo bear. But I wanna tell you tonight, in front of all our friends, that yes, yes Danny Castellano, I wanna marry you again!"

The house suddenly felt very cold to Mindy. She wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the couple: Christina, fawning and pawing at a perplexed Danny, awkwardly accepting hugs and handshakes of congratulations. His eyes found hers and they widened. She caught the hint of a weary, confused shrug before he was swallowed by the throng of well wishers.

When Mindy finally tore her eyes away, she saw Jeremy and his date huddled together on a couch. She marched over, her heavy, heeled steps creating a satisfying clack against the hardwood floors. "Jeremy! I'm ready to leave. Now."

* * *

 

Mindy sat on her bed, massaging cocoa butter into her feet, when she heard the buzz of the doorbell. Even though she'd ignored all of his text messages, she wouldn't allow herself to ignore him now that he was here. He'd made an effort. She wondered what lie he'd used this time. Maybe he’d just snuck away while Christina slept, her drunkenness allowing him the perfect escape.

She pulled the door open, ready with one of the many cutting remarks that she'd thought up on the ride back to civilization. Danny held a foil covered dish and a bakery box, his tie loosened and shirt untucked. His eyes were heavy and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Hey. I brought the rest of the meatballs and those cupcakes Betsy brought. Nobody touched them; they're all off gluten or sugar or something, I don't know." His mouth turned up in a small smile as he held out his peace offerings.

Mindy rolled her eyes with a sigh and pulled him over the threshold by his tie.

"You're not actually going to marry her, Danny, tell me you're not." She laid in between his legs, her back to his chest, and lifted the cupcake in her hand to his mouth. "I'm pretty sure this one is peanut butter and jelly flavored."

"No, of course not. She'll forget all about it once she's sober." He gingerly bit into the cake, a small noise of approval escaping his throat.

Mindy rolled over onto her belly, her naked flesh pressing against his. "I was so pissed, and so hurt - " She stopped, interrupted by a sob. Mindy covered her mouth and hid her face against his chest.

"No, please don't cry. Honey, baby, please. I know this is hard. I thought I'd lost you tonight. The look on your face, and then you wouldn't take my calls." Danny pressed kisses in her hair, Mindy's face still hidden from him. "I thought I'd lost you."

"Danny, I've never been the other woman before. Well, not knowingly. And I never thought- But it's you and I have to have- Danny, the waiting is so hard." She looked up at him finally, her glasses fogged and tear stained.

"I know. It's October. We just have to get past New Year's and we're free. I'm free. To be with you." He stared into her eyes as his hand slipped between them, his middle finger slowly caressing her clit.

"Danny," she moaned, letting her tongue swirl lazily around his nipple. She lifted her head, a frown on her face, her eyes fluttering as he made her wet again. "Danny, how do I know you won't do this to me?" she gasped. "What's going to make us different? I couldn't, I couldn't take it if-" Mindy moaned involuntarily, her hand creeping between his thighs to pump his rapidly hardening cock.

Danny rolled them over so he was on top and slipped two fingers inside of her. She cried out and squeezed her thighs against his hand as her own pumped and twisted his erection with more urgency.

"Mindy," he choked out. "Look at me." She opened her eyes and he gazed down at her as he withdrew his fingers and pulled her hand away before sliding his length inside her. He grabbed both legs under her knees and hoisted them over his shoulders. Danny sunk even deeper into her and Mindy screamed, grasping for the headboard.

"Look at me. I love you. I love you. And I've wanted to be yours for so long." His voice was strained as he pumped into her, his hands gripping her ass and opening her wider. Danny moaned and fucked her harder, his hips thrusting with such force that he rocked the bed back and forth.

"I- I love you too," she gasped with a nod. She felt her climax start to peak and cried out his name.

Danny took a hand off her ass and grabbed one of Mindy's, placing it between her legs. "Rub it. Rub your clit. I'm gonna make you come so hard-" Mindy was rocked by a powerful orgasm, gasping for breath and clawing at Danny's chest. He followed soon after, filling her and grunting out "I love you" over and over before collapsing on top of her.

They laid together in silence as the afterglow overtook them. Danny lifted his head and kissed her cheek, smoothed her hair. "See?" he whispered. "We're gonna be different."

* * *

 

"Danny, you're a real player; dinner with your wife and your mistress at the same time? Big pimpin', what-what!" Mindy giggled, hoping her teasing hid her dread.

"First of all, she's not my wife. And second, don't call yourself my mistress. That's not what this is. You're- you're my complicated girlfriend." Danny bumped his hip into hers, love taps being the only safe affection to show as they made their way from the office to the restaurant to meet Christina.

Christina had felt terrible for not making more of an effort to get to know Mindy, and realized she'd hardly said a thing to her at the housewarming party. She’d suggested this dinner as an olive branch of sorts, an acknowledgment of what a big presence Mindy was in Danny's - and by association, her - life.

"I still resent her use of the term 'big presence'. I am pretty sure she's being shady, Danny."

"Nah. But who cares if she is? You're sexy and beautiful and I love burying myself in your big presence every chance I get."

"And what about her presence? How often are you burying yourself in hers?"

Danny looked at Mindy from the corner of his eye, studying her set jaw and the grim line of her mouth. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Min, you know it's not like that-"

"How often?" she snapped. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't want to know, but I need to know, okay? Please?" She placed her hand on his arm, hoping that it looked like a perfectly ordinary gesture between two platonic friends.

"Twice a week, max. And hardly even that. Our work hours keep us apart, I'm spent from making love to you-"

"Do you go down on her?" she spit. She stopped walking and leaned against a store window, staring straight ahead.

"Mindy, come on-"

"Do you?" she barked, her voice louder than she'd intended.

Danny regarded her carefully before speaking. "Only when she asks or has paid me the favor," he said softly.

"Oh. I just wanted to know,” she whispered. “Come on, we're going to be late if we don't keep walking," she said as she sped ahead.

Christina was waiting for them outside the restaurant. Her face lit up when she saw them approach; she waved excitedly before crossing the distance between them.

"Hi, honey," she said before wrapping her arms around Danny's neck and kissing him full on the mouth. Mindy looked everywhere but at them, wincing from the pang of jealousy and anger she felt.

"Mindy, hi!" Christina approached her and pulled her into a cordial hug. "I can't believe it's taken us so long to all get together."

Mindy nodded, a tight smile playing across her features. "Well, you're a busy lady! Gotta get those pictures!" Mindy fiddled awkwardly with the strap of her purse. She could feel perspiration spreading across her back and silently vowed to never tease Danny about his sweating again.

"Shall we head in? I got us a table." Mindy followed Christina before realizing Danny hung back.

"I'll be in in a sec. Just gonna have a smoke”, he said, tapping the pack he pulled from the chest pocket of his jacket against his palm.

"Danny!" Both women whined his name in frustrated unison. Christina made a small chirping sound before dissolving in laughter, her hand grasping Mindy's forearm. Mindy looked at Danny, panicked. She'd just given them away, and now this blonde giantess was going to snap her wrist-

"How the hell you still manage to smoke with not one, but two wives nagging you is beyond me," laughed Christina. She turned to Mindy, nudging her gently in the ribs. "Work wife, increase your efforts, and I, the home wife, will devise a plan that will probably rely heavily on feminine wiles," she winked. "Let's go in, Mindy. Phase one of our plan involves leaving him out on the street like the stinky pariah he is."

They headed inside, Mindy stealing covert glances at Danny over her shoulder. "Mindy?" Christina placed her hand on Mindy's shoulder. She was awfully touchy-feelie; Mindy wondered if that was a natural trait of hers or if she'd picked up her husband's habits over time. "Promise me you won't get mad-"

Mindy shook her head, confused. "Why would I get ma-"

"Meatball!" Mindy turned to see the Sendhil Ramamurthy lookalike from the party waving at them from a corner table by the window.

"Surprise!" Christina clapped her hands and grinned. "It's a fix-up! We're on a double date!"

Danny pushed through the front door a moment later. He frowned, studying Mindy's face before asking "What's wrong?"

"Danny, did you know about this?"

"Know about what? What's going on?"

"After the party, Vijay asked me who the cute Indian girl was and I know you've been single for a while, so..." Christina grinned. She was absolutely pleased with herself.

"So you set her up without warning her first? Chrissy, that's not-"

"'Chrissy'?" hissed Mindy. Hearing Danny refer to her by a shortened nickname stung more than seeing them kiss.

"Let's go sit down and get this sorted out. Okay?" Danny's face was pained. Mindy knew he was anxious and getting angry. Good; at least she wasn't alone.

"Hey, Meatball. Bet you thought you'd never see me again." Vijay held out Mindy's chair, flashing her his blinding smile.

"Please don't call me Meatball. It brings back some pretty traumatic fourth grade memories," Mindy muttered.

"Well, are you going to finally tell me your name?" Vijay sat across from her and next to Danny, who glared at him immediately upon sitting down.

"Mindy. Mindy Lahiri, MD, if you want to get technical."

"Well, Dr. Lahiri, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vijay Soni, and since we're throwing around credentials, it's Vijay Soni, PhD. If you want to get technical," he winked. Mindy rolled her eyes, but graced him with a half smile despite her better judgement.

Christina introduced the men, Danny still eyeing Vijay skeptically. It looked as though things would be off to a rocky and awkward start, but Dr. Soni proved to be a charming conversationalist despite earlier evidence.

Mindy was surprised by the easy chatter and laughter that Vijay seemed to pull from her. The two of them were soon engrossed in their own conversation, the candles on the table creating a hypnotic glow across his face that she struggled to look away from. She almost didn't notice Danny's clipped, grunted responses to 'Chrissy's' effort at conversation or the way he stabbed angrily at his seared scallops.

The check came, Christina reaching for it. "It's on us. It's the least I can do for putting you on the spot." She smiled hopefully at Mindy before reaching into her purse for her wallet.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Thank you. This turned out to be a really nice night. I'll have to get the bill next time. " Mindy returned Christina's smile and raised her eyebrows at Danny's glare.

"Don't worry about that. The best way for you to repay me is by letting me photograph your wedding." Christina winked, Vijay laughed, and Danny knocked over his third order of scotch on the rocks.

"Shit!" Christina and Mindy jumped up, the amber liquid splashing Christina's skirt and boots.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what the hell happened," Danny grumbled, righting his glass and scooping up ice cubes. Mindy began to mop up the puddle on the table and felt a hand on her wrist.

"I think this is a good time to ask if I can take you out on Saturday. You're distracted, maybe a little anxious, so you'll say yes just to get me to stop talking." Vijay gazed at her, the candlelight causing his eye color to mimic the amber of the spilled scotch.

"What?" Mindy shook her head, confused, and pulled her hand away. The table was soaked; where was their waiter?

"Just say yes." Vijay hadn't broken his gaze; Mindy shivered, and tried to convince herself it was because she'd had her hand in ice cold liquid.

"Y-yes?" Vijay grinned and pressed his own napkin atop the shrinking pool. He checked his watch and swore under his breath.

"I've got to run. One of my students is doing a late night showing in SoHo as their mid-semester project and I've got to go and grade it. You wouldn't be interested in looking at subpar, student photography in a drafty warehouse, would you?"

Mindy shook her head. "I- I don't-" Danny cleared his throat and stared at the wall behind Christina's head.

"Oh, just go! Do it for all of us old married people going home to watch 'The Daily Show'." Christina nudged her again.

"Okay, okay. Yeah." Mindy glanced at Danny. He wouldn't look at her.

* * *

 

"Can I just tell you how into revenge movies starring 50-something handsome actors I am? And based on that ending, we are totally getting a sequel. Maybe he'll take on the Italian mob next!" Mindy and Vijay walked hand in gloved hand towards her building. She reached into her pocket for a leftover Twizzler and stuck one in Vijay's open mouth.

"Denzel is the man. Those fight scenes were intense. Should I be concerned by how often you cheered at the really bloody parts?"

Mindy laughed and rested her head against his arm. "Vijay, I love that you always let me pick the movie and that you genuinely seem to enjoy them, even though you are a snobby art person."

"'Snobby art person.' That sounds almost endearing coming from you, Meatball."

"I also love that you call me Meatball. I can't believe it, but I do. Did you see the look on that lady's face when you said 'Hey Meatball, do you want fake butter or fake cheese on the popcorn?'?" She gripped his hand tighter and tilted her head to look up at him. He was so tall.

"Yeah. I didn't tell you, but she totally threatened me on your behalf. 'I oughta kick you in the nuts for talking to that girl that way!'" Vijay shook his free fist in the air. "Maybe I should save the meatball talk for when we're alone."

They walked up the steps of her building, stopping at the front doors. Vijay tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled Mindy in for a hug. "This was a really excellent fifth date," he whispered into her hair.

"Sixth date. I count that terrible student show you made me go to. You bought me a pretzel after; it was totally a date."

Vijay kissed her forehead, and then each cheek before stopping to stare at her, holding her face in his hands. "Sixth date. Okay. That makes sense. If this was only our fifth date it wouldn't make sense for me to be this head over heels crazy about you."

Mindy stood on her tiptoes and offered him her mouth. He kissed her so slowly, so deeply, so passionately she wasn't sure if she would faint or cry when he finally pulled away. "Vijay," she whispered, burying her face into his chest. He smelled of clean laundry and soap and the fancy shea butter he used to moisturize his perfect skin.

"I'm not telling you that so you'll let me stay over. I want you to know that. I love that you want to wait and take things slow. And you should; breaking up with a fiancé isnt easy. I watch 'Basketball Wives'." They both chuckled, Mindy pulling him down by his lapels for another kiss.

"Thank you. Not just for tonight, but for being patient with me."

"Thank you, Meatball. God, you're so cute." Vijay kissed the tip of her nose before jogging down the stairs. He waved at her, shouting "Call you in the morning?"

Mindy nodded and blew him a kiss before heading inside.

Mindy sunk herself into the steaming water with a sigh. She didn't understand why she bothered; she ought to let him smell Vijay's scent that clung to her clothes and hair after their dates. She wrapped her arms around her knees and waited.

She could hear his keys scratching against the lock. He was having trouble opening the door which meant his hand was shaking with anger or drunkenness, or if she was really lucky, both. When the door eventually banged open, she sucked her teeth and sank under the bubbles, only her face visible.

"Where are you?" Danny shouted. He was drunk.

Mindy closed her eyes. "Bathroom."

He stumbled in and stared down at her, expressionless. "Yes?" she snapped with annoyance, her eyes wide.

"Hi."

"Hello."

"How was your 'date'?" he asked, using unnecessary finger quotes around the word. He sat on the edge of the tub and stared at her, licking his lips. He reeked of beer and cigarette smoke, which meant he'd hung out in some dive all night after surgery, working himself up to pick another pointless fight.

"It was very nice, thank you. We had Indian and went to see 'The Equalizer'."

Danny scoffed and threw up his hands. "You- you never eat fuckin' Indian. You only like your mom's," he scoffed, his lips wet with spittle.

"Well, Vijay found a place that I liked."

"Vijay, Vijay, Vijay," he sneered. "All I fucking hear about is Vijay. 'Vijay this' and 'Vijay that'. I can't even be in my own home, that I fucking paid for, without hearing about King Vijay."

"This is boring. And you’re probably too drunk to fuck, so why are you here, Danny?" Mindy's eyes flashed with rage. She didn't want to cry in front of him, not again. She hated that she wanted him even when he was like this, even after everything, even though she had a perfectly wonderful, uncomplicated man waiting for her. She brought her hands up out of the water and covered her face.

"You know why I'm here. You know why," he whispered. He slid off the edge of the tub and onto his knees. Danny roughly grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from her face. "I fucking love you, Min. I love you." His voice trembled and Mindy almost gave in, almost wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her.

"You don't! Or you don't know how to. You couldn't even tell me yourself. Danny, do you know, can you even begin to imagine how it felt when I got a fucking invitation in the mail to your fucking wedding? Do you?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you know why. You know why I have to." His voice was soft and watery. He still hadn't let go of her wrist.

"Women miscarry every day, Danny. It's part of our fucking job. You don't go and marry them because you feel guilty that she couldn't hang on to a baby you didn't even fucking want!" Mindy wrenched her arm away from his grasp with as much force as she could muster, a wave of bath water splashing over the side of the tub. Danny fell backwards and landed hard on his ass, staring at her.

"Fuck you," he whispered. "You don't know anything."

"Then get out if I don't know anything. Get out and go home to New Jersey, to your lies and your bullshit. Get out of here and leave me alone so I can call Vijay and get fucked by a real man for once." Mindy's cheeks burned with tears. She wanted to take it all back as soon as she said it, but she wanted him to hurt like she did. She chewed on her bottom lip until she tasted blood and stared down at him. He wasn't moving; just sitting there, staring at her with a broken expression on his face. "I said get out!" she shrieked, slapping the edge of the tub with her palm.

Danny covered his face with his hands, a strangled sob creeping out between his fingers. He struggled to his feet without looking at her and staggered out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him with all of his might.

Mindy sat in the water until it was cold.

* * *

 

Mindy rinsed off her toothbrush and tossed it into it's holder. She sighed deeply and turned off the bathroom light, pulling on her robe before wandering into her bedroom. Though the room was dark she could still make out the figure curled in a ball on her bed. She covered her mouth and wept silently, wiping her tears on her sleeve before approaching.

She crawled, exhausted, onto her side of the bed and lay there quietly, wondering if he'd fallen asleep. She felt the bed move under her and turned towards him, scooting herself closer.

"You stayed. I said horrible things to you and you stayed." She ran her fingers through his hair and pressed her lips to his forehead.

Danny pulled her flush against him and buried his face between her neck and her shoulder. "I love you, Mindy. I love you so much. You were right about everything, especially about me not knowing how to love you. I've fucked everything up-" his voice broke as he sobbed.

"Shh, shh, my baby. I know you love me. I know you do. I'm just so sad. It should be us going to the movies and getting married. I'm just so sad that it can't be us." Mindy untied the belt on her bathrobe and pushed it open. She worked on the buttons on Danny's shirt while they kissed.

Mindy arched her back as her second orgasm began to build, his face buried between her thighs, his tongue teasing her, running from her slit to her clit and back again. "Danny, I love you. I love you so much," she gasped.

She lay on her belly, her arms outstretched in front of her, her hips pushing her ass up and out. She grunted as Danny pumped into her and rode her slowly, each hard thrust eliciting a loud moan from him.

Mindy slid her left hand down her belly and rubbed at her aching clit. "Faster, Danny. Harder. Please. I want it so bad," she sobbed into the mattress.

He gripped her hips and pounded her pussy till he was sunk in to the hilt. She squeezed her muscles around his throbbing cock and cried out as she felt herself dripping down the back of her thighs. Danny shouted out her name over and over before pulling out and spilling himself across her back. He was afraid to finish inside her, even though Mindy was on the pill, after Christina.

After he lovingly cleaned her up with a damp washcloth, he collapsed on his back beside her. Mindy turned on her side and reached for his dick, stroking him slowly back to stone.

The wedding was next month. She didn't know how much longer she'd have to love him with her mouth and hands and body, if his being really married again would pull him away from her. She wanted as much of him as she could while she was able.

Mindy wrapped her lips around the swollen pink head of his dick, sucking and lapping at it as his hands slipped into her hair. She moaned and opened her mouth wider, bobbing up and down on his shaft, swirling her tongue across every ridge and vein.

She pulled him out and replaced her mouth with her fist while she licked and sucked on his balls. "Oh, god. Mindy. Shit," he gasped. Mindy worked both hands on him while she whispered her plea: "I want you to fuck my mouth. I want to feel you hit the back of my throat. I want to swallow every last drop of you- Fuck, Danny." She'd slipped two fingers inside her pussy, fucking herself as she sucked on him again. Danny thrust his hips like she asked, groaning from the feel of her practically swallowing his length.

"Baby. Oh, Min. I'm gonna come." Her eyes watered as she struggled to swallow his release, finally pulling him from her mouth with a gasp.

Mindy rolled onto her side as her tears started again. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than for him to hold her, to wake up in his arms instead of alone under cold bed sheets.

"Danny," she whispered. He rolled towards her and gathered her in his arms before covering them with bedding. She fell asleep still wrapped in his embrace and slept so soundly that she didn't notice him slip away at sunrise.

* * *

 

It was the first weekend of the new year and Mindy found herself once again stationed by the makeshift buffet at Danny’s house in New Jersey. She smoothed the shimmering gray fabric of her dress before taking another pull of her mostly-vodka-and-cranberry.

The ceremony had been nice, she guessed. Christina must have put her foot down on being married in a church or by a priest, but the justice of the peace had read a couple passages of scripture, perhaps her attempt at compromise. Mindy cried throughout the ceremony, Vijay wrapping his arm around her and kissing the top of her head as she soaked the jacket of his suit. It was lucky that she was still known amongst their group of mutuals as “The One Who Broke Up With Her Fiance” or her tears might have raised a few eyebrows.

She’d been able to pull herself together for the receiving line. Mindy rolled her eyes; either have a real wedding or a small party at home. This hybrid bullshit was getting on her nerves. She hugged Richie and shook his mother’s hand, noting Annette’s red-rimmed eyes and damp nose with a smile. Mindy hoped she was crying from sadness caused by her idiot son’s idiotic decisions, and not joy, which she suspected was the reason Christina dabbed at her eyes.

When she reached Danny, her stomach churned, the two glasses of champagne she’d downed before eating making her retch. She swallowed back the bile rising in her throat and put on a tight-lipped smile. “Congratulations, Danny.” He pulled her in for a hug and Mindy briefly allowed herself to consider stress barfing down the jacket of his tuxedo. “Thank you, Min,” he whispered. Mindy pulled away before she started to cry again.

Christina reached out her hands toward Mindy. She took them and made note of the simple band of gold the bride wore. “Mindy, thank you for coming. And for your wonderful gift!”

“Yeah, when I heard you guys weren’t going to be able to take a honeymoon, I thought booking you three-days in a fancy hotel was in order.” Mindy covered her mouth with one hand and used the other to point towards Danny. “And you know this cheap bastard won’t spring for anything pricier than Holiday Inn Express, so it was the least I could do.” Christina laughed and pulled her in for a hug. The fabric of the gown that made her look like an alien rockstar scratched Mindy’s chest.

Mindy shoved three mini meatballs into her mouth at once. They didn’t taste as good as she remembered. She washed the taste from her mouth with vodka and slathered a roll in butter. If she kept her mouth full and her hands busy, she thought, she would be less likely to say or do something ridiculous.

She looked up and saw Vijay watching her sadly from across the room. He shook the hand of the person he’d been talking to and made his way to her.

“Do you want a roll? I’ve buttered like four of them,” she said.

Vijay picked up one from her plate and took a small bite. “You okay, Mindy?”

“Yup. I’m just great.” She didn’t look at him, instead spearing a prosciutto-wrapped melon ball with her fork.

“You don’t have to pretend to be okay. I know this is hard for-”

“I said I’m great,” she snapped. Vijay reached out and massaged the back of her neck. He didn’t back off when she lashed out at him, which she found both annoying and intriguing. She’d been lashing out a lot at him recently, becoming more full of pain and regret as the day of the wedding drew closer. Vijay wouldn’t snap back. Instead, he’d rub her shoulders or her neck, tell her she was beautiful, that she could talk to him about anything. Mindy hated him. She loved him, too. She was tired of feeling so many conflicting emotions at once.

“I love you, Meatball,” Vijay murmured as his fingers kneaded a stubborn knot. “I know this is hard for you.”

Mindy looked up at him and nodded. She’d made up some tale about her cancelled wedding date being around this time to excuse her bad behavior.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

“You wanna get out of here or you want to wait for cake?”

Mindy glanced over at Danny and Christina, engrossed in conversation with her parents. Danny nodded and smiled at something his father-in-law said. He caught Mindy’s eye and stared at her until she had to look away. Mindy pulled Vijay towards her and kissed him, hoping Danny was still watching.

“I wanna go home. I wanna go home and I want you to come with me,” she whispered, her eyes closed, against her boyfriend’s cheek. She wondered if Danny could read her lips, and if he knew that the message was for him.

* * *

 

Mindy knew it wasn’t fair to compare Vijay to Danny, especially when he wasn’t even aware that he had competition. But as he moved inside her, she couldn’t help but notice the differences between the two men she loved.

Vijay talked a lot. He asked her what she liked, what she wanted, if she felt good. Danny just knew and dove right in. He only spoke when he was nearing climax.

Vijay was large. He was a bigger man that Danny, with a body that looked as though it had been cut from marble. His chest was so smooth Mindy wondered if he waxed. Though she teased Danny about his body hair, she loved the feel of it under her fingers and her lips. She loved that his diminutive size allowed him to move swiftly; the rate at which he’d go from between her legs to behind her back made her head spin. Vijay moved at a languid pace, moving around her body and in position like a yogi changing poses.

Vijay made her come, but it happened slowly, fluidly. Her orgasms were drawn out and long, her cries almost operatic as each sensation layered upon the last. With Danny, she exploded. There was no warning when it would happen; suddenly she was losing control, bursts of light erupting behind her eyes, sound rushing from her ears. And he’d make it happen again and again. She was a firework display and he was the fourth of July.

They rolled apart, Mindy reaching for Vijay’s hand, pressing kisses against it. “That was really good, Dan-” Mindy closed her mouth so hard she bit her tongue. She hissed at the pain, tears squeezing from her eyes caused by both of her mistakes.

“Be careful with your tongue; I wanna hear you say 'damn' a few more times tonight," Vijay chuckled and pulled her into his arms. Mindy breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Yeah, babe. Damn, that was good. Damn, damn, damn.”

* * *

 

“I just want to thank everyone for coming tonight to celebrate with us. I especially want to thank the relatives that have flown in from all over the world: India, the UK, Canada, Nigeria, Australia. Thank you to our friends for showing up on time and waiting patiently for us to get started an hour later. Thank you to my mom and dad for being the best parents a guy could ask for. Thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Lahiri for raising the best woman a guy could hope for. And finally, Mindy, my love; thank you for saying yes.”

Vijay passed the microphone to Rishi and took Mindy’s hand, bringing it up to his mouth as their guests clapped and cheered. Mindy blushed and adjusted the pallu slipping down her shoulder. Vijay dropped into the seat next to her and draped his arm around her shoulders. “So, is this engagement party everything you hoped for, Meatball?” he whispered.

Mindy gazed at him and brought her hand up to caress his cheek. “Everything and more,” she sighed. He took the hand she placed on his face in his and studied the intricate henna designs. “It came out so dark. You know what that means,” he winked.

Mindy nodded. “It means I’m the luckiest girl in the world."

“Okay, I think I have everything, but call me if you find anything that I might have left at your place! I’ll send Rishi to get it since we’re being all traditional and can’t see each other until tomorrow.” Mindy hugged at Vijay’s waist and stared up at him. Since their families had been in town, PDA had been nixed, along with their usual sleepovers.

“This is going to be the longest 23 hours of my life. I cannot wait to be married to you, Mindy.” Vijay took a quick look over his shoulder before placing a chaste peck on her lips.

“I can’t wait either. Now go be a dutiful son and let your parents fawn over you for the last time. I mean it about being the last time too, Vijay. I’m putting my foot down as your soon-to-be wife. You’re spoiled rotten. I’m shocked that you know how to wipe your own ass.”

“You’re one to talk, daddy’s girl. You’ve had that poor man running all over the tri-state area.”

Mindy gasped, feigning shock, and lightly swatted at his chest. “It’s totally different! I’m his only daughter!”

Vijay rolled his eyes and gave her one last quick peck. “I can’t wait till tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too!” Mindy watched him go from the doorway of the reception hall’s bridal room, waving until he was out of sight. She sighed, staring at the mess of gifts, shoes, clothes, and other miscellaneous items that needed to be packed up in her rental car and driven to the hotel.

Mindy begged her folks to see to it that she be alone for this last moment of preparation. Her head was spinning as she tried to keep track of the names of long lost relatives and family gossip. Even though she’d be packing and cleaning, she was grateful for the time to clear her head.

She hummed as she hung up colorful saris brought to her from locations far and wide. Maybe she’d rock a sari once a week. They looked amazing on her and got Vijay pretty hot. Mindy halted her humming as she heard footsteps in the hall. She rolled her eyes; for a PhD, her honey sure was a doofus sometimes.

“What did you forget? Oh, did you find my charger? I’m pretty sure I left it in -” Mindy spun around, the hanger in her hand clattering to the floor.

“Hey, Min.”

Mindy stared at him silently, watching as he picked up the hanger she’d dropped. He wasn’t wearing his wedding band, but she didn’t care about that. Not anymore.

“Danny, what are you doing here?”

He shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “I was an invited guest.”

“Right, you and your wife were invited guests, and as I recall, you respectfully declined the invitation.” Mindy glared at him until he was forced to look away. “I- I suffered through your wedding six months ago, but you couldn’t be a friend and come today. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I haven’t seen you since I decided you weren’t allowed to fuck with my mind or my body anymore.” She turned back to her work, blindly throwing things into shopping bags, tears of rage and regret welling in her eyes.

Danny came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Mindy froze. He pressed his lips to the side of her neck and sighed, his breath tickling her. She tried to struggle from his embrace, but he held tight.

“I am so sorry, Mindy. I am so sorry, for everything. I have missed you so much, I thought it would kill me. I love you, Min. I love you more than anything.”

The sob that left her mouth startled her. She felt herself falling to the ground as her knees gave way. Danny held her, sinking to the floor with her as she wept.

Mindy turned in his arms to face him and he loosened his embrace. She stared at him, shaking her head, before bringing her hand up to slap his cheek. He flinched, but said nothing. Mindy slapped him again and again, alternating hands, cursing him in ways she didn’t know she could. Danny held her through it all. She gave up, spent, and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I left Christina. I told her- I told her I was living a lie, that there was someone else, but that I’d lost her too. I moved out last month. The divorce was final last week,” he said softly, stroking her hair.

“I didn’t know. How could I have known? You changed your hours at work, avoided me at every turn. And after everything, Danny? How could you do this? How could you come back now when I’m finally happy? He loves me. I love him. Why would you do this now?” Mindy’s shoulders shook as she cried into his neck. She missed the smell of him, the feeling of being in his arms.

“I can’t let you make the same mistake I did. I wanted to let you go, I did. That’s why I left you alone. But I woke up this morning and knew if I didn’t try to stop you, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. We’d regret it, Min. I know you still love me too.” Danny held her face in his hands as tears slid down his cheeks.

“No,” Mindy shook her head and wiped at her face. Her beautiful makeup was ruined.The dark pattern of the mehendi on her hands blurred in front of her eyes.

“You do. I know you do!”

“No,” she gasped. She brought her hands up to his face and wiped away his tears. She had to see if this was really happening; maybe this was a hallucination brought on by the mandatory fast before the ceremony. Her fingertips came back wet and she brought them to her lips.

“Min,” he whispered before covering her mouth with his. Something was ignited within her. The taste of his lips, the feel of his tongue made her forget herself. She forgot everything that had come before this moment.

Danny gathered her in his arms and carried her over to the vanity, setting her down on top. He stood between her legs and lunged forward, attaching his mouth to her neck. She moaned as he sucked hungrily on her skin.

Mindy’s hands found his belt and tugged it open. She fumbled with his fly as he gathered the skirt of her sari and hiked it around her waist. Danny’s hands were shaking as he yanked at her panties, pulling them down around her knees. Mindy gripped the waistband of his jeans and pulled down, freeing his erection from its confines.

He was inside her in mere moments, thrusting against her, her legs wrapped around his waist. They moaned and cried out at the sensation of being reunited again, not at all cognizant of where they were.

Mindy heard the voice first, and then the footsteps. Not that the order mattered; neither she nor Danny reacted in time, too caught up in their bliss.

“Meatball, your charger was in the glove compartment of my car. I made it all the way there before-”

Mindy screamed and covered her face. Danny stilled and looked over his shoulder just as Vijay grabbed the back of his jacket.

“You son of a bitch. You motherfucker,” Vijay growled as he dragged Danny across the room.

“Oh, god! No, please! I’m sorry! Please, I’m so sorry!” Mindy jumped down from the vanity, her panties caught around her ankles.

Vijay hit Danny across the face with the back of his hand, knocking him to the ground. Danny struggled into his pants as a red welt grew rapidly from his ear to his chin.

Vijay stormed over to Mindy. He grabbed her arms, his face distorted by rage, then suddenly let her go. His shoulders rounded and began to shake. He was crying.

“How could you do this? How could you fucking do this?” he screamed. “And the thing is, I had a feeling. From that first night, I had a feel- Fuck, Mindy! How could you?” Vijay turned and stormed out of bridal room.

“Vijay, please!” Mindy went after him, but fell to the floor, tripped up by the tangle of her sari and underwear. She didn’t even attempt to right herself. “Please, Vijay. Please.”

“You broke my heart, Mindy. You’ve broken my fucking heart,” Vijay shouted from down the hall.

Danny stumbled into the hallway and knelt beside Mindy, placing his hand on her back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll take you home, Min. Come on.”

Vijay let out a roar and marched forward a few feet. “Don’t you fucking touch her! Mindy, what are you going to do? If you go with him- Oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening,” he wailed.

Danny pressed his lips to her ear. “Come with me. You and me. It can finally be us.” Danny’s voice shook as he made his promise.

“Mindy, what are you going to do?” Vijay took another step forward, his hands balled in fists at his side, his voice pleading.

“Mindy, come on. Come on, Min.”

“Mindy?”

“Mindy?”

 

**~FIN~**


End file.
